So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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