apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
