I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
