It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
