I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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