I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
