Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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