I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
