My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
