You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
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The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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