I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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