Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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