I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
