go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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