That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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