I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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