two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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