My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
