I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
