Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
