he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Randomize
