I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
