do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
