I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
