i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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