I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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