This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
