i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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