She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
