yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
