When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
organizing the empties. That sober.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
