She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
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I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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