it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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