You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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