I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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