I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
