just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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