i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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