Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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