the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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