Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
