K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
