This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
