dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
