I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
