You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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