Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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