found the other keg... it's in the tree
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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