her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Your cock deserves a montage
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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