this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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