He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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