If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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