Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
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We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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