Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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