He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
