NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
