the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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