i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
