D3 body, D1 cock
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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