What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
