you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
